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All new houses to be made of televisions

BUILDERS have completed the first UK home made entirely from television sets.

And on the patio there is more telly

The three-bedroom Swindon dwelling is constructed from flat screens of varying size slotted together, creating a light-but-strong structure that allows unrivalled telly visibility.

Building contractor Stephen Malley said:“Increasingly people want televisions instead of windows, televisions instead of internal walls and don’t bother with lights because the telly’s never off. However this is the first build we’ve done where we just welded a load of telly sets together into a rough house shape.

“I think the result works very well except it does get quite warm and the family’s dog chewed off its paw after being unable to escape The One Show.”

Telly house owner Nikki Hollis said: “In the original plans the house was made of bricks and the furniture was obscuring our view of the telly.

“The only thing in life that’s really worthwhile is telly, so why not live in it?

“Having Eastenders on the floor is really great for when you’ve got a tired neck and don’t want to look straight ahead.

“The only thing in the house that’s not a television screen is the roof, because we don’t really go on the roof. But we might get it done away, in case people in planes want to see a few seconds of Salvage Hunters.”

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Apple to reclaim the word ‘gimmick’

TECHNOLOGY giant Apple has launched a campaign to remove the negative connotations of the word ‘gimmick’.

Gimmicks for everyone

The company, which is also preparing to release its iPhone 6, has started a multimedia campaign entitled Why Gimmicks Are Great.

A spokesman said: “Often we describe a piece of technology or a function of it as ‘just a gimmick’ without even stopping to think what that means.

“If you look at the history of the word ‘gimmick’ comes from ‘gimmagical’ which in the ancient Welsh tongue means ‘cool thing that brings wonder to your life’.

“In Welsh legend the ‘gimmick’ is a mystical glowing tablet discovered by the hero Nog, which saves his people from famine by giving them recipes based on whatever’s lying around in their hovel, and also works as a torch.

“We talk about gimmickry like it’s a trick, when actually it’s a sort of wonderful magic and a way of discovering things you were too stupid to realise you needed, like a button moved slightly to the right.

“Show your support for joy and wonder by buying gimmicky things.

“Not that Apple products are particularly gimmicky. I’m just talking hypothetically.”

Apple consumer Tom Logan said: “My friends always mock me for ‘falling for the latest gimmick’, now they’re going to be laughing on the other sides of their faces.

“I do hope the iPhone 6 has lots of gimmicky features. I feel confident that it will.”

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