iPhone 5 not as good as first phone ever made

THE facility to talk to people who are not in the room remains the most innovative feature of any phone ever, it has been confirmed.

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As praise is heaped upon the iPhone 5’s many intricate functions, Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies claimed Apple’s efforts don’t amount to shit compared to Alexander Graham Bell’s.

He said: “Calling people up is really the most incredible thing. It’s like doing a seance or something, but it actually works.

“It’s a feature that’s been copied in pretty much every phone since – with limited success in many smartphones – but never beaten.

“Anyone excited about new phones should put that in context. Maps, music – good. Panoramic pictures – pretty shit.

“Phoning people – fucking mental.

“How the hell did anyone come up with that? Voices, coming out of a box.

“You have to be some kind of genius. Like an actual genius, not a modern ‘genius’ who is actually just a clever person.

“On that basis I would say the iPhone 5 is inferior to the first phone ever made.”

The the first ‘phone game’ arrived in 1901, and consisted of lifting and replacing the receiver as many times as possible in a 10 minute period.