iPhone Virus Just Increasing Numbers Talking To You About Their iPhone

The first virus to infect the Apple iPhone will greatly increase the chance of somebody talking to you about their iPhone, IT experts warned last night.

Still not broken enough

The worm, which changes the phone's wallpaper to a picture of 80s singer Rick Astley, was developed by an Australian hacker after he ran out of reasons to start conversations with his friends about his new iPhone.

Bill McKay, technology analyst at Madeley-Finnegan, said: “A phone for twats has been hacked by a twat to change the wallpaper to a picture of another twat in a self-sustaining cycle of twat.

"We're tentatively calling it Pertwatual Motion."

The first case was reported in a Sydney wine bar after staff noticed the clientele being stalked by a man feverishly talking about passwords, firewalls and how it was like having your whole life in your pocket.

Within days, Australian public transport had to enforce an iPhone quarantine on all major routes after four pensioners were beaten to death by a man unable to reset his iPhone wallpaper to a picture of Scarlett Johansson eating a banana.

Apple CEO Steve Jobs said the virus only hits phones which had been 'jailbroken' to allow users to install their own software and said an application would be released to resolve the issue by exploding affected handsets into a cloud of beautifully sleek shards of molten plastic.

Jobs said: "Once again earthlings, this illustrates the monumental hubristic folly of defying my orders."