Johansson photos change everything, says Dawkins


LEAKED photos of Scarlett Johansson’s leisure areas have fundamentally altered the theological landscape, according to Richard Dawkins.

Believers say she can be in two places at once

The influential atheist, scientist and atheist has been studying the images really very closely in his study for over 24 hours and as he emerged, drained but smiling, he admitted he had experienced a ‘road to Damascus’ conversion and could now allow for the existence of a benevolent super-being.

Dawkins said: “I once thought the evidence for the absence of god lay all around us. The complex biological design, the inconsistencies of an omniscient and omnipotent creator. Jude Law.

“But the fact we have been granted a glimpse of those magnificent lungbumpers shows us the universe is actually made from love.

“Praise be to Jesus, Buddha and the holy wankbank.”

The emeritus professor has cancelled all further bookings to appear on television haranguing kindly middle-aged church organists and will instead tour the country to promote a new faith he has dubbed ‘Johanssonism’.

The Johanssonite holy trinity will be represented by the left bottom cheek, the right bottom cheek and the knocker you can see in the other photo.

Her other, unexposed, charlie will represent the ineffable and unknowable wisdom of god.

Dawkins said: “I have been a robust critic of intelligent design on the basis it sounds like the kind of explanation a five year-old might give as to why the living room is covered in crayon.

“But to say an arse like that could have happened by genetic accident is just mental.”


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