OAPs Decide Not To Give Pensioner-Pc A Chance

PENSIONERS have declared that they don't like a new PC designed for them, despite it not being released yet.

'If you want to do things with computers the last thing you need is a computer.'

Easy-PC is a new computer offering simplified functions designed to make it easier for senior citizens to complain about Pakistanis.

But despite the manufacturers bending over backwards, pensioners have decided collectively that they don't like it, never will like it, and if anyone tries to give them one for Christmas they will throw it straight in the bin with all the other rubbish, which is exactly where it belongs.

Dennis Fynch-Hatton, 83, said: "I hate it. The people who make this tripe, whatever it is, should be taken out in the street and shot, and their bodies left to be picked clean by rooks.

"I've never owned a computer, but if I had, then the one I had before would definitely have been better than this one, and whatever the old one had been like, that'd be what I'd want."

He added: "If anyone comes near me with one of these computers I shall disengage my colostomy bag and squirt its contents all over them with a loud 'tally-ho'. Computers? What did you say? Leave me alone."

Margaret Gerving, a retired headmistress from Guildford, said: "During the war, I had ever such a lovely PC. It was made of good strong Hampshire Bakelite – by white people – and it had pedals.

"You don't get better than that, and if any strange man or relative tries to give me one of these Easy-PCs I shall shout 'rape' and do everything I can to ruin their lives.'

A spokesperson for Easy-PC said: "We're starting to wish we hadn't fucking bothered."