Science & Technology
LIGHT sabres will become a reality shortly after Star Wars has been completely ruined, it has emerged.
MORONS are not transformed into geniuses by eating oily food, it has emerged.
THE inner voice of a man queueing for the new iPhone is telling him that he needs to get his shit together.
A WICKED leprechaun has cursed all of mankind's software updates to fail dismally.
FANS awaiting Apple's new operating system have lined up in their front rooms to be the first to download it.
MILLIONS of people are keen to try their hand at righting something massive that has fallen over.
THE new iPhone 5S uses state-of-the-art fingerprint technology to frame its owners for murder.
SAMSUNG'S new Galaxy Gear watch is aimed at people who want to look like they are playing a kids' spy game, it has emerged.