Science & Technology

Poor people to be operated by remote control

POOR people are to be operated remotely like an unmanned drone, the government has announced.

Scientists isolate 'the vibe'

THE elusive feeling that makes a party really happen has been isolated and analysed by scientists, it has emerged.

Pope's first retweet is man making love to some cheese

THE Pope has followed up his first tweet by retweeting a picture of a man inserting his penis into a block of Swiss cheese.

Private moon trips to include terrifying secret

PRIVATE trips to the moon will include a horrifying secret that changes everything.

Humans buying any shit with 'immune system' written on it

EVERYONE is freaking out about their immune system, it has emerged.

3D printers 'a total pile of shit'

THREE-dimensional printers are obviously a complete waste of time, it has emerged.