Science & Technology

Human penises all either massive or tiny, confirm scientists

MEN’S penises are either porn-style monstrosities or minuscule sources of amusement, it has emerged.

Colour of dress depends on whether you are secretly racist

SOME people see this dress as white and gold because they have hidden racist opinions, it has emerged.

Ghosts unhappy with own logic

GHOSTS have complained that too many aspects of their existence do not make sense.

Obsolete drivers ‘will need new outlets for angry self-pity’

THE era of the driverless car means people will have to find other ways of venting their selfish, red-faced fury, it has been claimed.

Perfect cup of tea renders all other tea pointless

A FLAWLESS cup of tea has made further tea-making redundant, it has been claimed.

Ruins of Altavista and Friends Reunited now tourist attractions

THE abandoned, broken ruins of 1990s internet sites are popular destinations for tourists unable to believe that people once lived there.

Flavour of Irn-Bru shrouded in mystery

NOBODY knows what the flavour of Irn-Bru is supposed to be, it has emerged.

Remaining Kula Shaker fans to breed

THE last two people who listen to the music of Kula Shaker are undergoing enforced breeding to prevent the extinction of their kind.