Science & Technology

UK to beat science skills shortage with low-tech economy

A SHORTAGE of science skills in the UK is to be tackled by a return to more basic technology.

Higgs boson becomes first celebrity particle

THE Higgs boson has discussed its rollercoaster ride to fame and revealed exciting reality TV plans.

Computers become moron

ENGINEERS working for Google have linked together 1,000 computers to perform the role of one really annoying person.

Natwest computer 'full of chickens and lepers'

NATWEST'S IT calamity was caused by animals and beggars getting into its India-based computer system, it has been claimed.

Gods of the Shining Fruit begin faith-testing process

THE deities that control the Shining Fruit are testing the devotion of their followers, it has emerged.

Alan Turing 'would be persecuted today for being clever'

HOMOSEXUAL maths genius Alan Turing would be persecuted for being intelligent if he were alive today, it has been claimed.

Bank computer develops conscience

THOUSANDS of people were unable to withdraw cash yesterday after a super-intelligent bank computer began to question its moral purpose.

Microsoft unveils new tablet for uncool people

MICROSOFT'S new Surface tablet is for those who don't care what others think, the corporation has claimed.