Science & Technology

Bank computer develops conscience

THOUSANDS of people were unable to withdraw cash yesterday after a super-intelligent bank computer began to question its moral purpose.

Microsoft unveils new tablet for uncool people

MICROSOFT'S new Surface tablet is for those who don't care what others think, the corporation has claimed.

Apple unveils new things to fiddle with

APPLE has launched its new range of things to fiddle with and poke at.

LinkedIn hack 'an anti-prick hate crime'

THE theft of passwords from networking site LinkedIn is a direct attack on the world's prick and douchebag communities, it has been claimed.

Twitter appeals Barton ban

PEOPLE wanting to use Twitter without their heads exploding have appealed Joey Barton’s 12-match ban.

Yeti DNA database launched

SCIENTISTS are collecting sasquatch DNA in a bid to cut man-ape crime, it has emerged.

‘Group emails’ idea floated for £180 trillion

ENTREPRENEUR Roy Hobbs has made £180 trillion from the idea of sending group emails instead of using Facebook.

Online comment-writers to get own internet

A NEW internet is to be created for people who like writing comments, so everyone else can enjoy surfing the web without their torrents of bile.