Science & Technology

Library computers ‘also used by ancient Sumerians’

THE computers in your local library are so old they were used by ancient Sumerian tribes some 4000 years ago.

Fracking victims to receive share of hazmat suit and lake of fire

PEOPLE whose tap water is going to burst into flames will be given a share of a biological warfare suit, the prime minister has confirmed.

Millions take 'digital detox' to remind themselves how bored they used to be

ONE-THIRD of UK internet users have taken a break from the internet to remember how boring and inconvenient life used to be.

Baby named after Pokemon sure to have a great life

A BABY girl named Eevee after a Pokemon Go character will do incredibly well in life, scientists believe.

People who buy pre-sliced fruit ‘not proper humans’

THE gap between those who buy expensive packs of pre-sliced fruit and normal people is wider than previously thought, experts have found.

Beer now insanely delicious

BEER has reached a level of insane deliciousness, it has been confirmed.

Man oblivious to catastrophic events of 2016 because he has massive headphones

A MAN has remained unconcerned throughout Brexit, the collapse of the Labour party, and a wave of celebrity deaths because he is wearing enormous headphones.

Woman’s biological Facebook clock is ticking

WOMEN over 30 are increasingly aware their biological Facebook clock is ticking so they best get married and have kids while it is fashionable.