Science & Technology
Perfect Vagina Includes Video Screen And Crisp Dispenser, Say Men
THE perfect vagina would have a built-in video player with a cheese and onion crisp dispenser attached to it, men said last night.
iPhone Virus Just Increasing Numbers Talking To You About Their iPhone
The first virus to infect the Apple iPhone will greatly increase the chance of somebody talking to you about their iPhone, IT experts warned last night.
色情 Is Chinese For Pornography
色情 is the Chinese for pornography, the internet regulator confirmed last night.
God Found Earth Among Some Of His Other Stuff, Claims Expert
A NEW interpretation of the Bible suggests that God did not create the Earth, but stumbled upon it while looking for a magazine.
Scientists Discover Tedious, Left-Wing Spider
SCIENTISTS have discovered the world's first Guardian-reading spider and are already bored of its never-ending torrent of opinions about everything.
Russell Brand Is Currently Having Sex With You
RUSSELL Brand is having furtive, unsatisfying sex with you right now, it has emerged.
Google Launches Collaborative Self-Pleasuring Tool
SEARCH engine giant Google has opened trials of GoogleFrot, a new application designed to create a global network of simultaneous groin-rubbing.
New Calls For All-Clown Space Station
THERE were fresh demands last night for the rest of the world's clowns to be fired into orbit immediately.