Science & Technology
Google Launches Collaborative Self-Pleasuring Tool
SEARCH engine giant Google has opened trials of GoogleFrot, a new application designed to create a global network of simultaneous groin-rubbing.
New Calls For All-Clown Space Station
THERE were fresh demands last night for the rest of the world's clowns to be fired into orbit immediately.
Moon Could Support Middle-Class Life, Say Experts
SCIENTISTS have claimed that the moon could support middle-class life forms after the discovery of a crater containing a Pizza Express and an excellent primary school.
Cash-Strapped Nasa Lands On Swindon
A MANNED mission to Swindon touched down successfully last night near the town's factory outlet village.
Foul-Tempered Robots To Act As Elderly Companions
ROBOTS who dislike foreigners and other people's cats are being sold as companions for the elderly.
Reality Altered To Suit Wikipedia
ENTIRE cities are to be moved and species made extinct to correspond with what it says on Wikipedia, it was confirmed last night.
Police To Explain Why They Stopped Football Fans From Killing Each Other
SENIOR police officers have been told to explain why they prevented rival gangs of West Ham and Millwall fans from beating each other to death last night.
Northern Folk Terrified By Angry Sky Magic
PEOPLE across Northern England fled in panic last night claiming the 'cloud gods were shooting darts of angry fire across the sky'.