Science & Technology

"Sorry, did you say 'mind-weapons'?” everyone asks Royal Society

SCIENTISTS have been asked to confirm that they definitely said they could make brainguns and if so, when.

Right-wing people smart enough to hate everyone

RIGHT-wingers are intelligent enough to know that everyone is ultimately a self-serving bastard, according to new research.

Snow continues to be the same

THIS year's snow is the same as last year's, it has been confirmed.

Scottish expedition discovers then deep-fries massive prawn

MARINE biologists from Scotland have discovered, deep-fried and eaten the world's biggest prawn.

IT professionals deny they would ever help anyone

CLAIMS surrounding James Murdoch's missing emails have prompted IT staff to deny they would ever assist a colleague with anything, ever.

Sally Morgan to be represented by disembodied voice of Abraham Lincoln

SALLY Morgan is to sue the Daily Mail with a legal team including Abraham Lincoln, Clarence Darrow and someone who claims to be John Mortimer.

TFL promises uninterrupted tosspottery

TUBE travellers will be able to broadcast their ignorance even when 150 foot underground by summer, promise TFL.

Paul Daniels to explain to why he didn't magic his finger back on

PAUL Daniels is to explain to the Magic Circle why he did not use conjuring and sorcery to re-attach his severed finger.