Science & Technology

Avatar brain implant creates moral idiots

A BRAIN implant inspired by the film Avatar gives recipients an incredibly simplistic moral outlook, it has emerged.

Reality to be rebooted

OUR shared reality is to be turned off and started again after becoming glitchy and confusing.

Gay people admit they are not doing it just to annoy Christians

BEING gay is caused by genetics, as well as the natural desire to make Christians furious.

Independent Scotland will not be allowed to use British oxygen

BRITISH oxygen molecules that drift into an independent Scotland must be sent back immediately, it has been claimed.

Alien doughnut proves Krispy Kreme not of this Earth

KRISPY Kreme doughnuts are weird because they come from Mars, it has emerged.

Country that produced Brunel to be partially submerged

BRITAIN is to celebrate the legacy of Isambard Kingdom Brunel by deciding which parts of it should be permanently under water.

Sellafield using stolen Pope blood to make super-villain

THE Sellafield nuclear plant has been closed so the reactor can be used to make a super-villain out of stolen Pope blood.

Short men really are inferior, say tall scientists

TALL researchers have concluded that short men are inferior in every possible way.