Science & Technology

Scientists pledge to eradicate nursery rhymes

SCIENTISTS have made a breakthrough that could see dozens of children's stories destroyed in a laboratory.

Only a 30% chance of Cthulhu, say fracking experts

THE chances of shale gas exploration releasing a monstrous denizen of the underworld are less than one in three, experts have claimed.

InstaKiller photo app launched

A NEW app has been launched that makes everyday pictures look like photos from a serial killer's wall.

Britain urged to get beaten-up under the stars

BRITAIN should embrace the wonder of being assaulted by starlight, experts have claimed.

'Hunter-gatherer' now 'parker'

A SLIGHTLY superior ability to reverse vehicles into gaps between other vehicles is the only reason men still exist, experts have claimed.

L'Oreal unveils two new female neuroses

L'OREAL is to launch two new female neuroses for its spring campaign.

Meteor was anti-Putin voters being fired into Atlantic

THE bright light spotted over Britain on Saturday was a bus full of activists opposed to Vladimir Putin.

Tyrannosaurus Rex got mad respect

THE T-Rex received bare respect back in the day because of its powerful jaws but was not immune to haters, experts have claimed.