Science & Technology

Hitchens cancer not intelligently designed

THE cancer which claimed Christopher Hitchens was either random or stupid, it has been confirmed.

'God particle' does not believe in God

THE particle named after God last night stressed it was not religious in any way.

Alcohol leads to pointless academic research

SCIENTISTS are 100% more likely to state the obvious while drunk, it has emerged.

Cloning a mammoth is a shit idea, say experts

PLANS to clone a woolly mammoth have been dismissed as incredibly stupid and shit.

Inventor of driverless car 'inspired by dream of masturbating in back seat of moving vehicle'

AS self-driving vehicles become a reality, their creator has revealed he was inspired by the notion of being able to masturbate while travelling on a busy road.

'New Earth' probably full of arseholes

THE 'New Earth' has a temperate climate, liquid water and is probably teeming with unbearable arseholes, scientists have claimed.

Is this the best stick ever?

A STICK picked up on a cycle path near Stoke may be the finest ever found, it has been claimed.

Mars rover is new must-have middle class car

NASA'S redesigned Mars rover is the new status symbol for middle class Britain.