Science & Technology

Computers become moron

ENGINEERS working for Google have linked together 1,000 computers to perform the role of one really annoying person.

Natwest computer 'full of chickens and lepers'

NATWEST'S IT calamity was caused by animals and beggars getting into its India-based computer system, it has been claimed.

Gods of the Shining Fruit begin faith-testing process

THE deities that control the Shining Fruit are testing the devotion of their followers, it has emerged.

Alan Turing 'would be persecuted today for being clever'

HOMOSEXUAL maths genius Alan Turing would be persecuted for being intelligent if he were alive today, it has been claimed.

Bank computer develops conscience

THOUSANDS of people were unable to withdraw cash yesterday after a super-intelligent bank computer began to question its moral purpose.

Microsoft unveils new tablet for uncool people

MICROSOFT'S new Surface tablet is for those who don't care what others think, the corporation has claimed.

Apple unveils new things to fiddle with

APPLE has launched its new range of things to fiddle with and poke at.

LinkedIn hack 'an anti-prick hate crime'

THE theft of passwords from networking site LinkedIn is a direct attack on the world's prick and douchebag communities, it has been claimed.