Science & Technology

New Xbox will revolutionise sitting on your fat arse

MICROSOFT'S Xbox One heralds the dawn of a new era in sitting on your fat lazy backside.

Increase in CO2 dismissed by CO2 deniers

RECORD levels of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere have been dismissed by people who do not believe the gas exists.

Slow computers just laid back

EASYGOING slow computers don't get why everyone is swearing at them.

Google Glass makes everything look like Knightmare

GOOGLE'S computer glasses immerse the wearer in the fantasy world of 90s kids TV show Knightmare, it has emerged.

Being left alone for five f*cking minutes now an impossibility

ANNOYING bastards are going to be constantly pestering you, thanks to electronic things.

Free pint if you can eat a portion of the Earth's core

BRITISH scientists are offering a free pint of lager to anyone who can eat a plateful of the Earth's core.

Brains of UKIP members 'hacked'

BRAINS belonging to members of UKIP have been hacked causing them to go mental.

Humanity to be destroyed by boredom

HUMANITY will be destroyed by its need to keep dicking about with things for no reason, academics have warned.