Science & Technology

Gay marriage 'releases deadly pink gas into ozone layer'

POPE Benedict has explained the hard science behind his theory that gay marriage will cause the destruction of humanity.

Women wrong, says cleverest person in world

THE fundamental wrongness of women has been established beyond doubt.

Scientists find car made of dinosaur bones

ARCHAEOLOGISTS working in the Amazon basin have found the remains of a crude car made from dinosaur bones, with stone cylinders for wheels.

Hitchens cancer not intelligently designed

THE cancer which claimed Christopher Hitchens was either random or stupid, it has been confirmed.

'God particle' does not believe in God

THE particle named after God last night stressed it was not religious in any way.

Alcohol leads to pointless academic research

SCIENTISTS are 100% more likely to state the obvious while drunk, it has emerged.

Cloning a mammoth is a shit idea, say experts

PLANS to clone a woolly mammoth have been dismissed as incredibly stupid and shit.

Inventor of driverless car 'inspired by dream of masturbating in back seat of moving vehicle'

AS self-driving vehicles become a reality, their creator has revealed he was inspired by the notion of being able to masturbate while travelling on a busy road.