Science & Technology

Xbox Kinect Targets Middle-Aged People With No Self-Respect

MICROSOFT has launched a new games system in a bid to dominate the market in embarrassing, movement-based fun for middle-aged losers.

KFC Spotted In Corner Of 'The Hay Wain'

ART experts have uncovered a Kentucky Fried Chicken restaurant in the corner of Constable's 'The Hay Wain', prompting claims that it could be evidence of time travel.

Neanderthal Man 'Was Capable Of Being A Prick'

EARLY man often indulged in intolerable behaviour similar to that of modern-day pricks, it has emerged.

Earth-Like Planet Actually Sunderland-Like Planet

HOPES of intelligent life on planet Gliese 581g were dashed yesterday as scientists revealed it is actually a bit like Sunderland.

Google Instant To Free-Up Two-Thirds Of A Second Of Your Day

GOOGLE'S new Instant search engine means consumers can finally start using the fraction of a second it used to take them to get a result.

Creation Did Not Involve Chocolate, Claims Hawking

THE creation of the universe did not involve even the tiniest bit of chocolate, according to Professor Stephen Hawking.

Two-Thirds Believe Their Windows Are Giant Screens

MOST people are convinced that the view from their living room is a 2D image made of pixels.

Facebook To Stop You Hurling Violent, Unhinged Abuse At Strangers You Disagree With About Films

FACEBOOK was last night accused of attacking freedom of speech after it pledged to stop you calling someone a 'Nazi fucking cocksucker' because they don't like Christian Bale as Batman.