Science & Technology

'New Earth' probably full of arseholes

THE 'New Earth' has a temperate climate, liquid water and is probably teeming with unbearable arseholes, scientists have claimed.

Is this the best stick ever?

A STICK picked up on a cycle path near Stoke may be the finest ever found, it has been claimed.

Mars rover is new must-have middle class car

NASA'S redesigned Mars rover is the new status symbol for middle class Britain.

Leaked climate emails force carbon dioxide to resign

CARBON dioxide has resigned from being a gas, it has been confirmed.

Even darker version of internet 'sounds delightful'

THE notion of a so-called 'darknet' has confounded those who were sure the normal internet represented the very depths of human depravity.

Female orgasm far too complicated, say men

A VIDEO of the female brain during orgasm proves it is far too complicated to be bothered with.

NASA abandons search for intelligent life on Earth

SCIENTISTS monitoring the airwaves for signs of intelligent life on planet Earth have finally given up, it has emerged.

Fury as 'retro 80s arcade' app discovered to be just very poor new games

SMARTPHONE users are on the verge of rioting after the games in the app 80s Shit Arcade Games were discovered to not be old.