Science & Technology
Mars Probe Urges Brown To Quit
NASA's latest Martian probe last night landed safely on the red planet and issued an immediate call for Gordon Brown to resign.
Giant Laser Used To Draw Cock On The Moon
SCIENTISTS who invented the world's most powerful laser have used it to draw a giant penis on the front of the moon.
Darth Vader Is A Baptist, Says Vatican
THE Vatican has admitted intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe but that much of it is under the control of protestant denominations.
Society Of The Future May Be Forced To Eat Food
THE people of the future may be forced to eat real food instead of pills, scientists have claimed.
Go And Tidy Your Room, Say Scientists
STOP that right now and go and tidy your room this instant, leading scientists said last night.
Teleportation Device Not Quite There Yet, Says Disembodied Head
STAR Trek-style teleportation is months away from becoming a scientific reality, the disembodied head of its inventor insisted last night.
Hybrid Embryo Escapes From North East Lab
BRITAIN'S first hybrid embryo was on the run last night after escaping from its laboratory cage.
Experts close to discovering secret pointlessness of Stonehenge
SCIENTISTS have started a fresh excavation at Stonehenge in the hope of confirming, once and for all, the ancient monument's complete and utter pointlessness.