Science & Technology

Jesus loved eggs, say experts

THE mystic role of eggs in Easter is based on Christ's love of eating them, experts have claimed.

Teenagers get somebody else to blame

FERTILITY treatment that uses DNA from three parents will give ungrateful adolescents somebody else to wish death upon.

Caveman picked up on archeological gaydar

THE earliest known homosexual has been spotted by an archeologist's state-of-the-art gaydar.

iPad 2 begins beautifully designed journey towards landfill

APPLE'S revolutionary iPad 2 has been launched on its inevitable trajectory towards a big stinking crater full of broken and rotting things.

Apple to copyright individual letters

STEVE Jobs has announced his intention to trademark the alphabet.

Science less than a decade away from fully operational printer

SCIENTISTS will soon develop a home copying machine that is not an absolute pain in the arse, it has been claimed.

Twitter celebrates five pointless years of unremitting shit

MICRO-blogging site Twitter celebrated its fifth birthday yesterday by sounding exactly like a five-year-old.

Nuclear disasters not just caused by communism

NUCLEAR disasters can be caused by things other than lazy, inefficient communists, it has emerged.