Science & Technology

Humanity breaks speed of light but is still rubbish with money

THE human race has managed to break the speed of light before learning how not to run out of money, it has been confirmed.

Facebook unveils 'turdline'

A NEW Facebook feature will allow users to the tell the story of their turds.

Scientists assume pupils are listening

SCIENTISTS are calling for tougher guidelines on teaching creationism to children who are not paying a blind bit of notice anyway.

Planet with double sunset is full of bad dialogue

A PLANET with two suns is likely to be filled with poor quality dialogue, astronomers have claimed.

Punching a clown may be best medicine, say experts

THE benefits of laughter pale into insignificance compared to the well-being generated by punching a clown in the face, according to new research.

Johansson photos change everything, says Dawkins

LEAKED photos of Scarlett Johansson's leisure areas have fundamentally altered the theological landscape, according to Richard Dawkins.

Discovery of Earth-like planet means it's okay to destroy Earth

ASTRONOMERS have discovered a habitable planet that we can all just go and live on when we break the Earth.

Uh-oh, says everyone on internet

AS a man was jailed for internet abuse, everyone with a computer has spent the last 12 hours frantically deleting as much as they possibly can.