Science & Technology

Normal moon ‘shit’

THE public has hit out at the normal moon for its lack of effort after being wowed by the 'supermoon'.

Chips ‘do not need to be cooked three times’

ONCE-COOKED chips are perfectly fine, it has been confirmed.

Patchy Skype call becomes blame game over who has shittest internet

A SKYPE chat became a bitter argument over whose shit internet connection kept making it break.

Samsung phone owners experiencing closest thing they will ever get to excitement

THE reliable, boring people who own Samsung phones are experiencing their most nearly-exciting day ever.

Man always knew exploding phone would be the way he’d go

THE unrepentant owner of a Samsung Galaxy Note 7 has said he has lived by the phone and so is not afraid to die by it.

Electrician in awe of last electrician’s work

AN electrician has confessed to being absolutely awestruck by the previous electrician’s flawless installation of a bathroom extractor fan.

Nobel prize winners begin ordeal of trying to explain their work to morons

THE winners of the Nobel Prize in Physics have begun a lifetime of trying to explain their work to idiots.

Cat’s psychic abilities overrated

A CAT’S ability to ‘sense’ complex emotions has been hugely overrated, it has emerged.