Science & Technology

'Dislike' button not mental enough, say Facebook users

FACEBOOK should introduce a button allowing you to send vile abuse and bloodcurdling threats to people automatically, internet users believe.

First black Britons chose to become white because it’s better, say racists

RACISTS have argued that the black Britons from the Mesolithic period changed to be white because it is better, and more should follow their example.

Ringing landline causes utter panic

AN entire household was thrown into utter panic when their landline rang during an episode of Eastenders.

Robots 'not thrilled' by idea of working in Sunderland

ROBOTS have asked if instead of Sunderland, Wakefield and Macclesfield they can work somewhere nice, like Bath.

Google Translate hasn’t got a f**king clue what to do with mother's passive aggressive texts

GOOGLE has admitted its translation service has no idea how to decipher a mother's tone in her latest series of messages.

Bridge to link France with airport on artificial island in the Thames

BORIS Johnson has unveiled plans to build a 140 mile bridge that will link Calais, central London and a new airport on a man-made island in the Thames estuary.

Today most depressing day of year, says scientist disgusted at what he’s become

TODAY is officially the most depressing day of the year, according to a scientist degrading himself by concocting media bullshit.

If these algorithms know me so well, how come they aren’t advertising Poundstretcher and Wetherspoons?

When will the sinister forces harvesting our data to create a complete picture of our lives understand what a cheap bastard I am?