Science & Technology

Independent Scotland will not be allowed to use British oxygen

BRITISH oxygen molecules that drift into an independent Scotland must be sent back immediately, it has been claimed.

Alien doughnut proves Krispy Kreme not of this Earth

KRISPY Kreme doughnuts are weird because they come from Mars, it has emerged.

Country that produced Brunel to be partially submerged

BRITAIN is to celebrate the legacy of Isambard Kingdom Brunel by deciding which parts of it should be permanently under water.

Sellafield using stolen Pope blood to make super-villain

THE Sellafield nuclear plant has been closed so the reactor can be used to make a super-villain out of stolen Pope blood.

Short men really are inferior, say tall scientists

TALL researchers have concluded that short men are inferior in every possible way.

Mesolithic hunter was first hot man

FEMALE scientists have unearthed a swarthy, blue-eyed Mesolithic hunter they believe was the first hot man.

Broadband providers push 'slow internet' movement

SLOW internet speeds promote mindfulness and a love of nature, according to leading broadband companies.

Man who invested in Bitcoins almost able to explain what they are

A MAN who spent more than £50,000 on Bitcoins has embarked on a fresh attempt to explain them.