Science & Technology

Best way to fend off shark is to let it swallow you then punch your way out

THE best way to fend off a shark attack is from within the shark, it has been claimed.

Cool 'life hackers' actually just tight sods

SO-CALLED ‘life hacks’ are really just pointless tips for dull misers, it has emerged.

Britain's mind blown by sunny-but-cold paradox

BRITONS are struggling to comprehend how it can be sunny but freezing f**king cold. 

Man personally offended by friend’s small TV

A MAN is absolutely outraged at the pathetic size and technological backwardness of his friend’s television.

Toilet walls now allow 280 characters of scrawl

ANGRY people who scrawl offensive filth on the walls of public toilets can now make their messages twice as long.

iPhone X too good for this world

THE iPhone X shatters on contact with any solid object because it is too good for our material plane, Apple has explained.

Mother unveils breakthrough discovery about 33-year-old daughter's face

A MOTHER has announced the discovery of age-related imperfections on her 33-year-old daughter’s face.

Friend sends urgent 3.30am text about maybe having a midweek pint

A MAN has been woken in the middle of the night by a friend’s urgent text about maybe having a pint.