Science & Technology

Scientists to hatch Creme Egg

THE age-old question of what sort of creature would emerge from a Creme Egg will finally be answered in time for Easter.

Internet now fully explored, declares Microsoft

MICROSOFT is phasing out Internet Explorer because there is no internet left unexplored.

Facebook to remove anything that isn’t sanctimonious shit

FACEBOOK is now taking down any posts that fail to boast of the user’s clear moral superiority.

Electric cars to come with choice of six exhaust tones

ELECTRIC cars are to give drivers a choice of six exhaust sounds from 80s Lada to Lamborghini Countach.

Science cannot explain why beards go a bit ginger

SCIENTISTS will never be able to explain why all beards go slightly ginger when they reach a certain length, it has been confirmed.

The Mash guide to the iWatch

EVERYTHING you need to know about a thing you don’t need to know about.

Human penises all either massive or tiny, confirm scientists

MEN’S penises are either porn-style monstrosities or minuscule sources of amusement, it has emerged.

Colour of dress depends on whether you are secretly racist

SOME people see this dress as white and gold because they have hidden racist opinions, it has emerged.