Science & Technology

92% Of English People Think All Scottish People Know Each Other

ALL Scottish people are either related or went to school together, according to the vast majority of English people.

Apple Forced To Recall iPhone After Toaster Fault

APPLE has been forced into an embarrassing recall of the entire first batch of its long awaited iPhone after users reported problems with its on-board toaster. 

Google Launch Own-Brand Sausage

GOOGLE is to launch its own brand of sausages after it emerged that the most frequently asked question by internet users is "what sausage shall I eat today?"

In-Flight Erections To Double After Viagra Jetlag Discovery

VIRGIN is to raise the height of the seatback tray tables on its transatlantic flights by a number of inches after it emerged that love drug Viagra could now be used as a cure for jetlag. 

Boffins Use Hybrid Embryos To Create Satan

SCIENTISTS at Dundee University have embarked on the world's first human-animal hybrid embryo project in a bid to create Satan.

Boffins Invent Talking Road Signs

SCIENTISTS at Dundee University have developed the world's first talking road signs as a cheap alternative to satellite navigation systems.

Prince Philip 'Delighted' With New Balls

PRINCE Philip has announced that he is 'absolutely thrilled' with his new set of balls.

14 Billion Tons Of Bullshit Pumped Into Firth Of Forth

EXPERTS warned of an environmental catastrophe last night after enough bullshit to fill 6.5 billion Vauxhall Zafiras poured into the Forth estuary.