Science & Technology

Aliens keep putting off Earth visit

EXTRA-TERRESTRIALS have as little enthusiasm for coming to Earth as we do for visiting elderly relatives, it has been claimed.

Journey to the Center of the Earth was a documentary

THE Brendan Fraser film Journey to the Center of the Earth depicts real events, it has been confirmed.

Berners-Lee demands internet is free, open to all and has more bulldog videos

THE inventor of the internet has said that it must remain free of government interference and have more videos with bulldogs in.

Men's and women's brains equally empty

HUMAN brains are inefficient sacks of jelly regardless of gender, according to new research.

Dinosaurs totally made up for benefit of toy industry

GIANT lizards from prehistory were just made up to sell toys and books, scientists have admitted.

Stonehenge was early version of school music cupboard

STONEHENGE was a set of primitive percussion instruments used to keep kids busy on rainy days, it has emerged.

Siberian virus not at all like 'The Thing' say weirdly glassy-eyed scientists

AN ANCIENT virus found beneath the Siberian permafrost cannot infect and control humans, according to scientists with odd monotone voices.

Northern Lights caused by gay marriage

THE Northern Lights are a sign that God approves of gay marriage, according to pro-European Christians.