Science & Technology

Scientists develop angst battery

PEOPLE will soon charge their phones using unhappiness, say scientists.

Maths is no place for a woman, claim Pi and the square root of two

WORKING with complex numbers is tough, dirty and should only be done by men, according to some of the universe’s leading mathematical constants.

Hovercrafts mental

HOVERCRAFTS are mental, it has emerged.

DNA project to find out why Britain is so full of arseholes

SCIENTISTS are to map the DNA of everyone in Britain in a bid to find out why so many of you are dreadful.

Exciting new technology nowhere near ready

AN exciting new piece of technology is nowhere near ready and will never come into widespread use.

Computer fad over

FALLING iPad sales have confirmed that the computer fad is now over.

Attention-seeking weather told to grow-up

BRITAIN’S insecure, attention-seeking climate has been told to get a grip.

Cameron to fund British superhero

THE prime minister has announced that £1.1 billion is to be spent creating a major British superhero.