Science & Technology

Middle class men to buy their sex robots from John Lewis

MIDDLE class men have decided that when sex robots become widely available they will buy theirs from John Lewis.

Average person spends 10 years reading idiots’ opinions online

AN AVERAGE person aged between 25 and 45 has spent a full decade reading the opinions of complete idiots on the internet, researchers have found.

Scientists discover homeopaths also make shitty, weak tea

TEA made by homeopaths does not actually contain any active tea ingredients, a study has shown.

HS2 to go directly through angry Yorkshireman’s living room

THE new HS2 route will pass directly through a Doncaster man’s living room, between the TV and the sofa, every 30 minutes.

Northerners denounce contactless payment as 'the Devil's hocus pocus'

CONTACTLESS payment is Lucifer's dark magic, the people of the North have declared.

"Alexa, if I’m going to die, then what’s the point of doing anything?"

AMAZON’S smart speaker is not yet ready for life’s bigger questions, it has emerged.

Facebook reminds man that four years ago he used to use Facebook

FACEBOOK’S ‘On this day… four years ago’ feature has reminded a Facebook user that four years ago he used to actually post stuff.

Google to pay £2bn fine by blackmailing you about your search history

GOOGLE has unveiled plans to pay its £2bn EU fine by blackmailing you about all the weird and/or dirty things you look up on the internet every single day.