Scientists Uncover Earliest Threesome

27-02-09

SCIENTISTS have uncovered the earliest evidence of pre-historic man's attempt to persuade two women to join him in a threesome.

Early man was also a dirty little chancer

Using a powerful IBM super-computer researchers have shown that the earliest words used by man were 'I', 'we', 'two', 'three' and 'how do you know until you've tried it?'.

Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: "Early man has invited two girls round to his cave for a typical Friday night get-together of meat, fire and a few pints of fermented yak juice.

"Once everyone is nice and relaxed he passes them a small fragment of bark on which he has scrawled some rudimentary stick figures communicating his desire to have grunty sex with both of them at the same time.

"Despite his exuberant hand gestures the women giggle but look confused at which point early man, feeling the moment slip away from him, utters homo sapiens' first momentous words 'I… we… two… three', quickly followed by 'oh go on'."

Professor Brubaker added: "We'll never know if he succeeded, but a little bit of me likes to believe that he did."

The study also revealed that the next eight words used by humans were 'with cheese', 'feels like flu' and 'celebrity wardrobe malfunction'.

Using the same computer programme researchers are also predicting that a number of common words and phrases will soon become extinct including 'unarmed 12 year-old', 'common decency' and 'can you believe I only paid £150,000 and now it's worth three-quarters of a million'.

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