TELEPATHY would be a huge step forward in human evolution and also an absolute nightmare, scientists have confirmed.
Following experiments which proved communicating by thought was possible, scientists warned of a coming dystopia of grotesque embarrassment.
Neuroscientist Dr Donna Sheridan said: “You go into work claiming you’ve had a quiet weekend while your mind tells everyone Saturday night involved knocking back a full bottle of Listerine.
“And while you lie to your boss, he’s inadvertently sending mental images of his Sunday dogging with obese tattooed couples in a Swindon car park.
“Every encounter with other humans would immerse us in a soup of vile, alien and simply tedious thoughts about everything from retraining as a graphic designer to the music of David Soul.”
Scientists have also cancelled research into contacting the dead, claiming it would be like talking to their great-grandparents times a million.
