Toilet walls now allow 280 characters of scrawl

09-11-17

ANGRY people who scrawl offensive filth on the walls of public toilets can now make their messages twice as long.

Under new rules drawn up by toilet bosses, those who must vent every thought festering in their rancid minds to a largely indifferent public can now scribble a full 280 characters of vile bullshit before it is scrubbed out by a cleaner.

However, not all regular users of the Toilet network are happy with the news.

Warwick service station toilet scrawler Norman Steele said: “There was a certain purity to 140 characters. It forced you to hone your thoughts to a succinct essence. As Thoreau said, “simplify, simplify.”

“Take my graffito of last Thursday, ‘HITLER = RIGHT’. A masterpiece of economy. Who needs verbosity when you have upper case?”

Fellow Sharpie-wielder Tom Booker agreed: “When I take a female commentator to task for her political impertinence, I could say ‘Despite your lack of pulchritude you are free with your sexual favours. Your views therefore matter not one whit.’

“But honestly I find ‘YOUR A FAT SLUT LOL’ a much more felicitous construction. Brevity is the soul of wit, after all.”

  • Share: