Xbox Kinect Targets Middle-Aged People With No Self-Respect
MICROSOFT has launched a new games system in a bid to dominate the market in embarrassing, movement-based fun for middle-aged losers.
The corporation hopes Kinect will exploit the growing trend towards adults having no shame about behaving like chunky, balding children.
A spokesman said: “With Kinect, you don’t need to know anything you don’t already know. You only have to prance around – like a tit.
“You’re never too old to jump up and down in the middle of the living room, flailing your arms around as you pretend to be a baby tiger jumping through rainbows.
“In no way is this type of behaviour unbecoming of a middle-aged person, or excruciating for their offspring. We can assure you that it is quite the opposite.”
The initial batch of Kinect software titles will include Makeanareseofyourself Dance School, 4D Olympic Twat-Monkey and Idiot Scroll 2: The Magic Forest of Making-You-Look-Like-A Bell-End.
Middle-aged gamer Tom Logan said: “When I was a boy, my dad would come in from work, grunt once, eat his tea in near-silence and then slump in front of the telly with an exhausted scowl on his face, exerting complete control over channel selection.
“I, on the other hand, love nothing better than a great jumping-around Kinect session with my kids, ideally playing Echo the Sprite in Marshmallow Castle. It’s such a great bonding tool.”
He added: “That said, I did generally obey my dad when he said it was time for bed, whereas my youngest just says ‘eat this, you sweaty ballbag’ and then punches me in the groin.”