A Level students ‘20% less fit’ than last year

THIS year’s crop of young, predominantly female, students pictured celebrating their A Levels is up to 20% less attractive than last year’s, it has been claimed.

Totally representative of normal females

Researchers have found that that perkiness and litheness have dropped, possibly as a result of the poor summer weather.

Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said  “There’s been a considerable decline in bewitching nubility among the young women who represent our contry’s future.

“One of the ones in the Daily Telegraph was a 7 at best”.

“Of course, less attractive women have the right to an education too. No-one’s saying they don’t. It’s just that newspaper editors – and probably newspaper readers, I suppose – aren’t into seeing the plain ones hugging, and kissing, and touching each other tenderly on the arm in a display of hormonally-charged affection.

“Or pressing their lissom young bodies against each other.

“Also, some of this year’s photographs had very poor composition. In a lot of the pics, the girl’s hair obscured their faces, and some had their arms folded, which somewhat defeats the object.

“And in the Mail’s traditional picture of two girls jumping in the air, one of them was wearing a Marty McFly-style windcheater, rather than the flimsy cotton summer dress tradition demands.

“To compound the problem, boys have started doing well in A Levels, meaning that some perfectly good shots of young women have been ruined by having young men on them.

“Although you can crop them at home in Photoshop, if you right-click and save them.”