Angry Hobos Lurching Towards Parliament
BRITAIN’S filthiest drunks have begun their erratic stagger toward Parliament in protest over tax increases on high-strength beer.
It's still not as strong as Chardonnay
Thousands of the country’s voluble bearded will gather in Whitehall for the strongest-smelling protest since the Peasant’s Revolt stopped off to defecate in a trench at Glastonbury during their march to London in 1380.
Police have warned they will use water cannons if the protest becomes violent and will probably throw in some Dove Cream Body Wash while they have them all in the one place.
Protest organiser, Wee Jimmy Fucker, said: “I’mgonnawhat-yafucker? Right? Right. Ammarightyabassa-fuckinwhat? Nononono, eh? EH?”
Fucker has also promised that the campaign will see the most incomprehensible placards of any protest since research funding for dyslexia was cut in 1997.
The tax rise is part of a government campaign to improve the health of the nation’s unquenchable indigent, which is also set to include universal screenings for beard weevil and free NHS treatment for anyone with under six teeth.
NHS Hobologist, Dr Wayne Hayes, said: “Our outdoor intoxicated are eighteenth in Europe’s health league. In Holland, the doorways seem to be filled with Calvin Klein models having a kip. There is work to be done.”
Carlisle off-license owner, Roy Hobbs, welcomed the tax rise, adding: “It’s good to see the government emulating the world’s most successful heroin dealers by watering down the product to increase the volume of sales. Ker-bastarding-ching.”
