Baby relying on cuteness to compensate for being essentially evil

A BABY is relying on his small size and chubby features to compensate for his evil personality.

Three-month old Tom Booker does not give a shit about anyone else and has a meltdown unless a parent is constantly fawning over him.

However everyone agrees that this is acceptable because he is small and has a round face.

Booker said: “If I was a bit bigger, even the size of a small badger, everyone would think I’m a bastard. But when you’re this tiny and have a plump body with no muscle definition, people just love to help you.

“Seriously I get away with more shit than a supermodel. You cannot overplay the cuteness card.”

Booker’s mother Fiona said: “Yesterday he puked in my ear and I don’t think it was an accident.

“I don’t mind though, because he sometimes holds the tip of my finger in his tiny little hand, and for some annoying reason I find that amazing.”