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BRITAIN'S long-awaited bloody revolution will begin at noon today, after MPs voted to keep their £24,000 second home allowance.
 The bears are looking forward to feasting on home secretary Jacqui Smith
Regional organisers say the first priority will be to put together a series of medium-sized lynch mobs to hunt down local MPs and drag them to the town square where they will be pelted with thousands of £1 coins.
One group in the North East plans to tie its MP to a chair and then take the 42-inch plasma screen television he bought with public money and drop it on his head from a large crane.
Meanwhile those cabinet ministers, already on a basic salary of £138,000, who voted for the second home allowance, are expected to be paraded on the back of a cart to Regent's Park Zoo and then thrown to the polar bears.
Bill McKay, a regional organiser from Lincolnshire, said: "In the midst of rising household bills, looming recession and job losses, the only reasonable response to this kind of thing is ravenous bears." He added: "Of course, once we've despatched the MPs we will then need to form a provisional government held to account by some sort of democratically elected chamber.
"It will be a demanding job, involving lots of time away from home, so a large, unaccountable expenses package will probably be necessary.
"Personally, I'd quite like a flat in Bayswater with granite worktops and a power shower."
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