ANYONE with Christmas decorations still up tonight will probably die, experts have warned.
Britons with so much as a single bauble still visible at midnight are guaranteed to suffer a year of horrific bad luck for themselves and all their loved ones.
Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “No one knows why such a seemingly minor misdemeanour as forgetting to take down some tinsel should ruin your life while you can do a murder and still carry on as normal, but there it is.
“Last year a man foolishly left his Christmas tree up until the sixth of January. Soon after his dog was flattened by a falling mirror, his wife left him for his uncle and he lost both his feet in a freak landslide in the centre of Leeds.”
Travelling salesman Stephen Malley said: “I’m away on a work trip, leaving a small fake tree in my living room and cards on the mantelpiece.
“The neighbours don’t have a key so I’ve asked them to burn down my house, it’s the only way to be sure.”
