MILLIONS of people across Britain are today beginning the process of incorporating volcanoes into their everyday lives.
As air passengers were grounded for the second day in a row and Scotland was covered with a fine coating of instantly lethal dust, experts said that volcanoes were here to stay and would now have to be factored into all our daily decision making processes.
Dr Tom Logan, of the Institute for Studies, said: "Since seven o'clock this morning, Britain is now, essentially, a volcano based society.
"This means British citizens will have to adapt to the knock-on effects of constant volcanic activity for the frst time time since somewhere around the 285th millennium BC.
"Nevertheless, we can learn a lot from our pre-historic ancestors when in comes to volcano coping, such as the best way to live without crops and how to fight off carnivorous mega-beasts when you're suffering from chronic asthma.
"And of course, from now on, when you pop into a sandwich shop you will have to ask how much volcano is in the egg mayonnaise."
Joanna Kramer, from Darlington, said: "There will be obvious things like checking the level of dangerous silicates in the atmosphere before arranging a barbecue or a picnic.
"But it's also the little things you have to adapt to, such as not being able to drink tap water or making a list of all the dead people in your street."
Roy Hobbs, from Finsbury Park, said: "If a mate phones up and asks you out for a pint then you do tend to check for potential volcano-related impacts, but it's almost second nature now.
"And I'm pleased to say that after two days I still haven't drowned in my own blood. I suppose you just get on with it, don't you?"
