Britain to honour its heroin addicts
THE contribution of drug addicts to British society is to be honoured at the first National Junkie Day.
With brave skagheads consistently overcoming guard dogs and alarm systems to in their quest to nick things, the public has demanded that these forgotten heroes should be recognised.
The focal point of National Junkie Day will be an event at Hyde Park with shooting up displays, blagging masterclasses and live music from hugely self-indulgent, smack-addicted indie bands.
A spokesman for the event said: “With their croaky voices and sunken cheeks, junkies are as much a part of Britain’s cultural heritage as bulldogs.
“Whether they’re arguing in a park, taking your DVD player to a cash exchange shop or trying to blag some change for a ‘phone call’ that inexplicably costs 13p, they are always on the go. Except, of course, when they’ve just scored.
“But this event isn’t just about smackheads. It’s about the whole drug addict spectrum, crackheads, speed freaks and meth heads.
“Also the middle class musicians whose flirtation with heroin leads them to petty crime and parent-funded trips to rehab.
“Without their unflinching commitment to getting wrecked, many dealers would be unable to keep their pimped-out Beamers on the road and the tracksuit bottoms industry would collapse overnight.”
Heroin addict Tom Logan said: “I’ve always been pretty much full of self-loathing and regret, so this is a great morale boost.
“People dismiss junkies as useless but I’ve actually got loads of great ideas for things. Not that I’ll ever do anything about them, because I’m on smack.”