Britain Urged To Find New Reserves Of Spunk

09-02-09

AS the country faces a fresh wave of Arctic blizzards, Britain is being urged to tap into its massive spunk reserves.

The billboards are now terrorising communities across the South East

A series of campaigns will seek to raise the nation's spirits and encourage communities to come together in an effort to boost each other's spunk levels.

Meanwhile the Daily Mail is giving away a series of spunk-inducing DVDs including Tenko, The Great Escape and This Happy Breed starring John Mills and Celia Johnson.

Editor Paul Dacre said: "When I see Charles Bronson stripped to the waist and digging that big tunnel I feel so spunky I could burst."

Meanwhile, as health secretary Alan Johnson offered to dance away the snow and ice, the government has unveiled its new pro-spunk campaign with the slogan 'Think Spunk!'.

Labour's deputy leader Harriet Harman said: "When we find ourselves up against not only a global recession but also the cruel forces of nature, we must find it within ourselves to spunk in the face of adversity."

A spokesman later clarified the minister's remarks, adding: "What she meant to say was 'show spunk in the face of adversity'. The minister did not deliberately use spunk as a verb.

"However, if you decide to use spunk as a verb, rather than an abstract noun, then do please try to direct it onto untreated roads and pavements."