British monarchy 'needs to be more like Game of Thrones'


THE royal family must embrace the ‘fantasy saga’ aspect of its nature, it has been claimed.

There would be severed heads in Hello! magazine

The Institute for Studies asked the UK public what it would like to see from the monarchy apart from it giving them more days off work.

Professor Henry Brubaker said: “The popularity of Game of Thrones proves there is still an appetite for people in metal hats behaving like gods, princesses, castles and so forth, provided there is a sufficient element of fantasy.

“Rather than attempting to be more ‘relatable’ and ‘modern’ by focusing on the mundanity of William and Kate’s Waitrose outings, the Windsors need to start wearing bear skins and sailing big wooden ships around looking for dragon eggs.

“By amplifying their inherent absurdity in this way, they would capture the hearts of a nation that doesn’t want to buy an expensive HBO subscription to enjoy wanton escapism.”

Professor Brubaker’s report suggests Prince William should be renamed Eldric Bloodstorm and sent on a quest for a magical pebble that can restore the British Empire and prevent war with Scotland.

He also believes the Queen should ride around on a giant wolf, and that Prince Andrew should employ an evil sorceress to beguile the Duchess of Cambridge into his bed, leading to the birth of a vengeful one-eyed homunculus that will eventually challenge for the throne.

Mother-of-two Emma Bradford said: “I think the Queen should have a false eye made of something called ‘dragonstone’, Prince Edward should be somehow made into a wise-cracking dwarf and Prince Philip can stay pretty much the same.”



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