Britons would be out enjoying the sun if they weren't basically slaves
MILLIONS of Britons are thinking about what they’d be doing in the sun if they weren’t busting their asses in a soulless office environment.
Watching the glorious sunshine through a permanently-sealed double glazed window, they are wishing they weren’t trapped in an economic hamster wheel.
Office worker Tom Logan said: “It’s a lovely day but I cannot enjoy it because I am a low-born, relatively poor person who has to work hard earning money to give to the government as tax.
“Once men were free, like animals. Life was short and brutal perhaps but there was a savage dignity in it and you didn’t have to read passive aggressive emails from people complaining about mouse mats.”
Sale administrator Nikki Hollis said: “If only I’d gone to a snazzy public school, or perhaps worked harder at my state school, I’d be a member of a social elite lolling about on yachts and the sun would be my friend, not a bittersweet reminder of this air-conditioned corporate prison.”
However, unemployed Stephen Malley said: “The Guardian might have you believe being on the dole is relentless misery, but it’s not.
“When it’s sunny you can take your small state stipend, buy a can of beer and sit in the park with your mates, luxuriating in nature’s bounty.
“If you don’t have kids and whatnot being on the dole can be pretty great, at least for a while. I know you’re not supposed to say that, but it’s true.”