Busy parents ask schools to beat their children
ALMOST half the parents in Britain are so busy they need schools to beat their children for them.
A survey found that 49% want the return of caning just so they can be sure their child will be in pain for at least 10 minutes a day.
Jane Thompson, from Stevenage, said: “I work in a very busy office and often don’t get home until seven or eight, especially if I’ve been for a drink. By that time my kids are in their bedrooms and I don’t get the chance to hit them with a stick.
“I feel that we are all missing out, as a family.
“It would be really helpful to me if their teachers could find some incredibly thin excuse to beat them as hard they can.”
Martin Bishop, from Peterborough, added: “Unfortunately there was a scheduling snafu and I wound up with two children that clash with meetings and tennis, so I simply don’t have time to teach them how to be functioning members of society.
“I would gladly pay a tax deductible monthly fee just for the peace of mind that they are being hurt in public by a professional.”
The move has also been backed by parents who are too busy watching television all day.
Emma Bradford, from Doncaster, said: “I’ve got a stick, but they have to be within a three foot radius or I’m wasting my valuable time. The fuckin’ schools should be doing this anyway. It’s a disgrace.”
Meanwhile, with 20% of pupils also supporting the return of corporal punishment, Britain’s S&M industry said it could finally make long-term investment plans.