Busy parents ask schools to beat their children

16-09-11

ALMOST half the parents in Britain are so busy they need schools to beat their children for them.

'And you'll have him in tears by 11? That's great, bye!'

A survey found that 49% want the return of caning just so they can be sure their child will be in pain for at least 10 minutes a day.

Jane Thompson, from Stevenage, said: “I work in a very busy office and often don’t get home until seven or eight, especially if I’ve been for a drink. By that time my kids are in their bedrooms and I don’t get the chance to hit them with a stick.

“I feel that we are all missing out, as a family.

“It would be really helpful to me if their teachers could find some incredibly thin excuse to beat them as hard they can.”

Martin Bishop, from Peterborough, added: “Unfortunately there was a scheduling snafu and I wound up with two children that clash with meetings and tennis, so I simply don’t have time to teach them how to be functioning members of society.

“I would gladly pay a tax deductible monthly fee just for the peace of mind that they are being hurt in public by a professional.”

The move has also been backed by parents who are too busy watching television all day.

Emma Bradford, from Doncaster, said: “I’ve got a stick, but they have to be within a three foot radius or I’m wasting my valuable time. The fuckin’ schools should be doing this anyway. It’s a disgrace.”

Meanwhile, with 20% of pupils also supporting the return of corporal punishment, Britain’s S&M industry said it could finally make long-term investment plans.

 

 

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