the dailymash

'He promised us he would be really good at it'

Castlebeck said it would review its policy of saying ‘feel free’ to some nasty son of a bitch who wanders in off the street and offers to start caring for its residents.

A spokesman said: “We had no idea that running a care home for people with autism and learning difficulties would require any kind of special qualifications or skills that should be reviewed on a regular basis.

“It’s not like anyone tells you these things when you apply to open a residential care home, or when you get licences from the local authority, or when you get inspected by the Care Quality Commission – which, by the way, is a totally misleading name.

“How’s a person supposed to run a care home when the people who are supposed to stop you from being really bad at it are really bad at that?

“But anyway, we’ve been reading this big book of care home regulations that we found stuck behind the bogs in the council’s social services department and it turns out you can’t just let some fucker do it.

“Honest to God, we’re as surprised as you are.”

A spokesman for the Care Quality Commission added: “Qualifications? Really? Oh fuck. Eh. Right… right. Really?

“Oh bollocks, this means we’re going to have to check every single bloody care home and it’s going to take fucking ages.

“Are we absolutely sure they didn’t like being punched in the face?

“Really? Shit.”