Catholic School To Fight All Cancers Above The Waist

25-09-08

A ROMAN Catholic high school will allow its pupils to receive inoculations against all types of cancer that do not involve their dirty, filthy private parts.

And Jesus said: 'I don't do cocks, okay?'

St Monica's, in Greater Manchester, said it was vital to protect children from the killer disease as long as any abnormal cell growth takes place at least nine and a half inches above the groin.

A spokesman said: "We are more than happy to discuss cancers of the stomach, shoulders, neck and chin. Breast cancer is also acceptable, but there will be severe restrictions on the use of the word 'breast'.

"However, when it comes to the dirty cancers I'm sure they can get those sort of injections in the toilets of a dance hall or the back of a grimy Ford Fiesta, isn't that right Bridget McAfferty, you FILTHY LITTLE WHORE?"

He added: "Jesus told us that some killer diseases are better than others.

"Indeed, he would only agree to place his hands on lepers if their arms or noses were falling off. He certainly didn't go around touching them on the cock."

He added: "If one of our girls does contract the forbidden cancer she will be remembered in our prayers as a pox-ridden little tart with no-one to blame but herself."

Meanwhile doctors warned yesterday that a measles epidemic remains likely because too many parents are still inoculating their children with the Daily Mail.