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CHRISTMAS MARKETS 'ARE TROJAN HORSE FOR NAZI INVASION' |
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03-12-09 |
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TRADITIONAL German Christmas markets are the vanguard of a massive Nazi invasion, it was claimed last night.
 Die blaugans fliegt an dämmerung!
He said: "I have obtained secret microfiches relating to 'Operation Bratwurst' which details the Nazi plan to lure oblivious British families into these festive deathtraps with the promise of heavy fruit cake and indigestible sausage products.
"Each 'market' is equipped with an automated nativity scene - the coded signal is an angel that chimes a bell thirteen times, at which point the German stallholders will duck as all their Stollen cakes explode, creating a deadly hail of dried fruit.
"The hidden Nazi troops, in full SS regalia, will leap over the counters to massacre the survivors, while any other Germans who happen to be present will start braining people with handmade wooden toys."
He added: "Anyone with dark hair or obvious physical defects will be thrown on a big festive bonfire, and in the ensuing chaos democracy will crumble and by the 26th we'll all be part of an evil satellite state run on a day-to-day basis by the Duke of Edinburgh."
However Olga Goebbels-Bormann, director of the Federation of Traditional German Markets, said: "Our markets are about wooden gifts and egg-based drinks, not the indiscriminate murder of thousands of innocent people who foolishly stand in the way of Lebensraum and the manifest destiny of the Reich.
"And I would like to add, for the benefit of any German readers currently based in England: The blue goose flies at dawn. I repeat, the blue goose flies at dawn."
She added: "It is traditional German Christmas greeting and not important to you in any way."
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