the dailymash

Dr Rowan Williams said the Church would take part in this year's Gay Pride march in London for the first time and is thinking lots of feathers, a pirate theme or maybe even a great big chocolate cottage.

Dr Williams said: "I've spoken to Gok and he loves the idea of me in an eye patch with a large pink parrot on my shoulder.

"He said to me 'Rowan, three words - suede, pantaloons, fabulous' and I completely agree."

He added: "Many Anglican men still find homosexuals terrifying but I've discovered that once you got to know them they're just like members of the Women's Institute, but without the same tiresome obsession with anal sex."

Other ideas for the Anglican float include a dance routine featuring the Bishop of Durham as a peacock-feathered Virgin Mary miming to I'm Every Woman as well as a pirate-themed, jazz-tap version of Christ's resurrection to the tune of I Will Survive.

Diocese across the country are now running a competition to find 12 oiled-up, bare-chested vicars who will walk alongside the float wearing nothing but a dog-collar and their unshakeable faith.

Bill McKay, a Carlisle parishioner, said: "Our vicar has been growing an enormous handlebar moustache, replacing hymns with Wizard of Oz singalongs and peppering his sermons with references to Pierce Brosnan.

"Though, come to think of it, he has been doing all that since about 1992."