Court forced to differentiate between competing voodoo
DRUID leader King Arthur Pend… John Rothwell has had his particular brand of mojimbo dismissed by the high court.
The Archbishop of Canterbury, but for some 4th Century Roman politics
Sat behind copy of the Bible, underneath a picture of a unicorn and wearing a fancy wig and an ornamental dressing gown, Justice Williams denounced a religious leader who looks like a Jethro Tull album cover as being a bit ludicrous.
But Mr Pendragon, the reincarnation of Britain’s mythical king and a former motorbike owner, said he would be taking his case to the European courts after discussing it with his homeopath’s lawyer.
He added: “Most of my stuff is not actually that difficult to believe. A bit of nature worship, some fertility symbols. The odd vegetable. It’s basically a less harmful version of those McDonalds adverts that are set on a farm.
“And while I may also believe that my sword contains the living spirit of the Bowain, the Druid Prince of Aberystwyth, how’s about you run through the story of Easter for me one more time?”
The case centred on the removal from Stonehenge of 5,000 year-old human remains by scientists at Sheffield University, who hope to establish the identity of Europe’s earliest hippies.
But, according to Mr Pendragon, these remains are of the country’s ‘royal druid line’ and exhuming their bodies would be the same as digging up Queen Victoria and whizzing her pelvic bone through a mass spectrometer.
Summing up, Justice Williams said: “If it helps matters, I’ve just decided that I am, in fact, the reincarnation of Optimus Prime and you can all go fuck yourselves.
“Get. Out.”
