Disabled Parking Spaces More Alluring Than Ever
EMPTY disabled parking spaces have become almost irresistible after it emerged that most badge holders are probably lying anyway.
Researchers found some disabled badges are being used fraudulently leaving Britain free to assume that at least 96% of people who have them are evil sex terrorists forcing you to push your trolley an extra 30 yards.
Frustrated parker Tom Logan said: “The only thing that’s stopping me parking in one of the six permanently vacant disabled spaces at Tesco is the almost superstitious fear that to do so would be make me Stevenage’s answer to Pol Pot.
“And then the rational part of my brain reminds me that half a dozen disabled drivers are unlikely to arrive within the time it takes me to get a Pepperami and a scratchcard.
“Perhaps now I can turn my fear of the disabled’s mystical powers of retribution into a liberating hatred. I’d like that.”
Mother-of-two Emma Bradford said: “I’ve been tempted by disabled spaces but have always imagined them to be Indiana Jones-style traps that send you plummeting into a pit of sharpened alligators.
“I did sort of half park in one once, but that was mainly to do with the fact that I can’t park properly because I’m a woman.
“Nevertheless it didn’t stop me from having the same nightmare every night for two months where a giant bat in an electric wheelchair sucks my brains out through my neck.”
Roy Hobbs, who became disabled after being run over by a personal injury lawyer who then sued him for hurting his car, said “Apparently I’ll soon have to prove that I am actually disabled in order to keep my badge, which I assume involves Ian Duncan Smith dragging me out of my chair and blowtorching me in the knees.
“Or worse still I might have to complete one of those 26-page forms that you always do in blue ink before noticing the bit that says ‘black ink only’.”