COMPANIES are using psychometric tests to distinguish between liars and people who are too stupid to lie.
The tests use a series of questions like ‘Is hard repetitive low-paid toil your favourite thing?’ and ‘Are you passionate about being treated badly by your managers and the general public?’.
HR manager Donna Sheridan said: “If they truthfully answer ‘yes’ they’re perfect for mindless tasks in our vast, featureless warehouses, and if they’re barefaced liars we can put them in door-to-door sales to prey on the gullible and senile.
“We can find out even more about them with ridiculous abstract questions like ‘Would you rather be stuck in a lift with Enya or Megatron?’.
“If you don’t abandon the test muttering ‘this is bullshit’, you’re exactly the sort of unquestioning, humourless corporate drone who can be moulded like a golem from a lump of clay.”
She added: “Asking them to choose their favourite actor is particularly valuable. If they say ‘Him out of Death Wish’, that’s our new foyer security guard.”
