Estate agents amazed that bedsits in grim bits of London not selling for £1m

LONDON estate agents can see no reason why depressing bedsits in Clapham are not meeting their £1m valuations. 

Senior staff from Foxtons, Knight Frank, and Savills held a summit to solve the mystery before concluding that it was as unfathomable as nuclear fusion. 

Estate agent Carolyn Ryan said: “By all known laws of the universe, these properties should be selling like hotcakes. But somehow, incredibly, they’re not. 

“I mean we’re talking modern living spaces by award-winning architects with a close-knit community mix of boutique and aspirational retail opportunities on the doorstep.

“Yes, layout-wise it’s a a single-room human containment unit with a ‘hybrid kitchen sink and urinal’ if you’re willing to pay the extra £22k, but how these cannot sell when three-beds in Blackburn are being snapped up at a tenth of the price baffles me. 

“It’s like we’ve slipped into a parallel universe where everything we know is wrong. Or rather everyone else has.

“Us estate agents are still here, in the real world.”