SOCIAL networking sites like Facebook and Bebo are infantalising the human brain, encouraging instant gratification, short attention spans and ooh, look, a funny cat picture.

Bored of funny cat pictures now

More than 150 million use Facebook to share thoughts, photographs and have you seen the latest series of Criminal Minds because it is totally awesome but not as awesome as this coronation chicken sandwich that really tastes of curry for some reason.

A further six million have signed up to Twitter, the 'micro-blogging' service that is really enjoying the new Kings of Leon album before going for a swim and then sushi with Faz and Tommo who has a disgusting rash but doesn't want to talk about it.

Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: "It may be that social networking sites shorten the attention span and lead to increased self-absorption, but then again, how the fuck could you tell?

"I suspect Facebook may be the symptom rather than the cause and that these latest studies are simply telling us how our unbearable childishness and self-regard made Facebook possible in the first place."

Professor Brubaker added: "Hello? Are you actually listening to me? Or are you downloading a new ringtone while I'm talking to you because you haven't changed it for three days and this one is going to tell us so much more about who you really are as a person and by the way that one with the dead terrorist is brilliant. 'I am killing you', fantastic. Have you seen Criminal Minds?"

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