Game on, say teachers
BRITAIN’S teachers absolutely cannot wait to get cracking now physical force can go unrecorded in classrooms.
Open your textbooks and turn to chapter six, 'The Stench of Fear'
Dozens of inner-city secondary schools have started work on weightlifting rooms to ensure staff can backhand a fire door shut and many have renamed PE lessons as ‘game time’.
Defeated wreck Wayne Hayes said: “When the headmaster phoned with the news, I put down the gin and sleeping pills, downloaded the Rocky soundtrack and shadow boxed around my flat for two hours straight whilst imagining that gobby little shite in year 11 who keeps asking why I’m not married.
“In any great society, teachers should really love their jobs. And now I do.”
Education secretary Michael Gove has also ensured that physical terror will return to the curriculum by recruiting 500 recently-redundant soldiers with a faraway look in their eye and anger management issues to teach woodwork, PE and whatever other lessons don’t really require formal training.
Gove said: “Any pupil who wishes to inform their teachers that they know their human rights and they could get them sacked if they lay a finger on them are soon going to find themselves doing so from the bottom of a flight of stairs with one of their legs sticking out at a funny angle.
“To borrow from their own parlance, the shit has just got very much real and in every sense of the word.
“They can prepare to get schooled.”
NUT leaders have welcomed the move, reassuring parents that while they will do their best to ensure physical force is used only as a first resort.
