Getting angry at traffic jams makes them go away
SHOUTING obscenities while punching the dashboard during traffic jams makes them disappear, according to new research.
And all it took was eight 'bastards' an 'everyone must die'
The Institute for Studies found that long queues of vehicles disperse 209% more quickly if drivers get unbelievably angry.
Dr Julian Cook said: “Exactly how it works is mysterious, but it is clear that foul-mouthed screamy tantrums have a very positive effect on bottlenecks, contraflows and motorway accident-based tailbacks.
“Possibly there is a higher agency controlling the universe that responds to words like ‘fuckers’.”
Cook outlined best practise for deactivating traffic jams using so-called ‘Tantrum Theory’.
He added: “Clutch the steering wheel so hard that first your knuckles and then your entire forearms turn a deathly white, then rock back and forth shouting ‘fucking typical’ and ‘shit, fucknut, arsehole, wank-bastard’ until a wiggly vein appears on your forehead.
“Then repeatedly hit the dashboard, breaking the clock or heater in the process.
“For maximum effectiveness tell whoever is in the passenger seat that this is their fault and that you should have left earlier, before muttering under your breath ‘it’s always the same fucking story, isn’t it?’.
“Following this simple process will send out the mental vibrations required to clear the road quickly and everything will be fine again.”
The study also found that 78 per cent of accidents are done deliberately, by people who just want to be annoying.
