MINISTERS last night unveiled plans to ban women from getting all drunk and randy.

'Make me laugh. Now.'

But the plans have been attacked by the 92 percent of British men who have yet to have sexual intercourse with a sober female.

Wayne Hayes, from Sussex, said: "As we enter a period of economic hardship this ill-thought out plan will double the amount I currently spend on achieving an assisted orgasm.

"Why doesn't the government take just one percent of the £500 billion they are giving the banks and set up a fund to get women shitfaced on a Friday night?"

Bill McKay, from Worcester, said: "This face is leaving in five minutes. Be on it. Alright, suit yourself you fat, humourless cow."

He later added: "This face seats five. Hop on. No, you fuck off, you hairy lesbians."

Nikki Hollis, from Guildford, said: "As a feminist I like to have free wine poured down my neck before exploring my sexuality in the corner of a car park.

"If this goes through I'll be waking up in my own house, in my pyjamas, with no strange man in the toilet. How is that like Sex and the City?"

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