Grandparents Secretly Starting To Hate The Little Shits
GRANDPARENTS are finding their kindly exterior increasingly difficult to maintain, it has emerged.
'Get out of my house'
The Institute for Studies found that 78% of parents regularly lumber their parents with their offspring for extended periods, under the flimsy pretence that this is some sort of treat for all concerned.
But grandfather-of-two Roy Hobbs said: “My daughter rolls up most weekends with her kids. Sometimes she’s driven off before I can even answer the door, and there they are on the step with a broken robot toy and a Post-It note saying ‘Don’t let me eat insects’ stuck to the girl’s forehead.
“Naturally I smile warmly, pretend to like their terrible drawings and to be quite alright about having all my furniture covered with paste of semi-masticated Jaffa Cake.
“But clearly I’d rather be in the garage, making a cathedral with matchsticks and savouring some mildly racist thoughts while listening to a local radio documentary about eels.”
He added: “They call my wife and I ‘granpog’ and ‘nangle’. A thousand times I’ve told them my name is Roy, but do they listen? Do they fuck.
“My wife thinks it’s cute. But I’m a 77 year-old former civil engineer, not a hobbit.”
Retired headteacher Margaret Gerving, who has three grandchildren delivered regularly to her house, said: “It makes me feel young again. Like when I first had their mother, and was constantly exhausted and mopping up puke.
“I am so lucky to be able to relive that joy as an elderly lady with relatively little stamina and a house full of easily breakable objects.”
She added: “I tried to scare them away by showing them the original Salem’s Lot as a bedtime treat. Unfortunately it only succeeded in convincing them to start biting my legs.”
