Greggs fury at Michelin snub
PASTY incubator Greggs has called for an inquiry after being overlooked for one of cuisine’s biggest honours, it has emerged.
Attention to detail is key to the Yum Yum
With the recent introduction of the Jaffa Cake doughnut and snout batter lollipop, the UK’s leading cholesterol enablers had hoped to gain their first Michelin star.
Gregg’s head of hoof procurement Roy Hobbs said: “The public’s insatiable demand for brown crispy things that turn the paper bag translucent means we’re always going to be solvent, but without the respect of our peers it’s all so hollow.’
“There’s so much hard work and dedication that goes into our cheese-influenced slice, also quite a lot of gleaming off-white matter, but these snobs seem to be obsessed with food that looks edible.”
The Michelin Guide’s famously anonymous judges visit restaurants around the country, assessing each venue on atmosphere, service and whether the food induces a paralysing stroke.
Judge Denys Finch-Hatton discussed his visit to Greggs, as well as his GP’s prognosis after eating their lunch meal deal.
He said “After being pleasantly surprised by the rustic yet excellent cuisine of some of Britain’s gastropubs, I joined my chauffeur for lunch at Greggs and asked what kind of Fanta would go well with their range of browny-gold rectangles.
“I left with something rubbery lodged in a back tooth. I’ve had it biopsied and am assured that it is from some form of bovine.”
Greggs patron Nikki Hollis said: “Greggs is awesome, the haters just don’t know the proper way to enjoy it.
“Steak slice is the starter, custard slice your main and sausage roll for pudding.”
